wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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