remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
