I am puke
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
