I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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