why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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