Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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