i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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