well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Too much gin, very little bucket
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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