The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
