I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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