I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
