the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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