he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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