I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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