absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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