I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
