i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
