This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
