Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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