Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
