My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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