She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
