I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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