im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
