her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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