What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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