Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
