Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
