One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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