my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
