It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Randomize
