So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
