Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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