Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
