i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
