you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
