I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
