I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
