I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
