If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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