that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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