i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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