He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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