I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
