I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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