So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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