im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
try to milk me bitch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
