I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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