I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
