She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he thought i was a dude.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
