your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
