the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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