he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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