are you still at the devil's house?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
