The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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