Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
