it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
