It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who died my cat blue again?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
