So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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