I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
