So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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