Kiss
Puke
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
