She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
