Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
