WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
