First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
