The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
